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I can’t imagine how I let myself get into those situations, for one thing. Why in the world I let myself get talked into going out drinking with those girls…I just don’t know. That was the start of it, I think. Doctor Jamison gave me a list of books to read and it was a revelation to me. Alcohol takes a woman and turns her inside out. Like one of them says, it’s the most effective date rape drug in the world. It deadens the thinking processes and lowers inhibitions to the point of non-existence. Heavy drinking is such a self-destructive thing to do too. It makes the body react hard in order to throw off the poisons and it alters the body’s chemistry. Doctor Jamison has helped me figure out I was drinking hard so I could make myself numb and not have to deal with the things I was feeling. It didn’t work. It only made me more vulnerable to Brian. It made it easy for him to get me to sleep with him even though I really didn’t like him. I knew he was one of those men who think every. We where now both standing there completely naked looking at each other, and seeing which one of us would make the first move. "Not bad not bad your in pretty good shape for a cocksucker turn around why don’t you let me get a better look at you" he said with a calm voice. Of course I was now a little fear stricken and was unable to move because I started having second thoughts about every coming to the bar to begin with. It was now however too late for second thoughts and I slowly turned around and faced the opposite wall. No longer being able to look at him made me nervous however, I still did as I was told. "Can we go ahead and get this over with I’m just wanting to suck your dick and leave" I said trying to sound calm even though it felt as some one hit me in my gut. "Ahh come on now there’s no hurry the bar is almost empty not to mention the games on...trust me no one is going to come in here" he said being very serious. "I know...I just want to get it over with" I said. "Well.
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